#takebackthejoy Challenge

It is that time of year when we take time out to reflect upon our blessings. We are all blessed, regardless of what we may be wading through. If we have food on our table, family and/or friends to share it with, and a roof over our head we are indeed blessed. This is especially important this year in the midst of recent social events that seem to be spreading negativity across social media.

I know what you may be thinking: this is nothing new. We are all conditioned to focus on our blessings on Thanksgiving. But think about this… just one day later, we surrender all that is sacred as we fight our way through the Christmas rush on Black Friday. 

There is simply not enough joy in the season. We are obsessed with negative events, task lists, obligations and the countdown to C Day that we have lost the joy. Today I challenge all of you to take it back. Let’s take back the joy this Christmas and holiday season!

Every day from now till Christmas make it a goal to do something nice for someone. Give a stranger a compliment. Pay someone’s fast food order in line behind you. Pass out candy canes during holiday rush shopping. No matter what you chose to do, focus on making people smile in the midst of the holiday rush.

Warning, if you chose to take on this challenge, you may find yourself with a permanent smile. Others may think you are hiding something. Friends will inquire about what’s going on. Some may think you’ve had cosmetic surgery. Why? Because, you possess something rare, something elusive, something radiant; you possess joy and others either want it or they want to be around it.

   

If you commit to the #takebackthejoy challenge you will increase your blessings ten-fold because your joy will radiate your soul and permeate your surroundings. You will increase the blessings of others because joy is contagious. One compliment or random act of kindness from you will spread from stranger to stranger and unbeknown to you, will reach numbers beyond your imagination.

When you do something to spread the joy, post it on social media. Let’s make joy go viral this season! #takebackthejoy challenge

The Hero's Journey

The first thing I learned when I took a scriptwriting course twenty something years ago was that nearly every successful movie or novel follows the same formula, The Narrative Arc. The Hero’s Journey is comprised of twelve scenes and three acts that guide the hero across The Narrative Arc. 

I was blown away. “Really, I’m going to learn the secret of writing success simply by following a formula?” Not so fast. The formula is essential. However, successful writing is not nearly as simple as the formula may suggest. The trick is to follow the same script, yet keep the audience guessing. Now that’s a challenge. How does one use the same formula since the days of Greek mythology and keep stories fresh and spontaneous? That challenge has kept me writing for the past twenty years.

I admit, I look upon my early work and cringe at its novice. Just as I likely will look upon my current work in twenty years. Honestly, I know I am not the best writer. That sobering reality hit me at the Hawaii Writer’s Festival when an agent read one paragraph of my novel, winced and said “it aint that bad,” then opted for a slightly arrogant pass. That moment of sheer devastation took me years to overcome. But, in retrospect, the event was quite edifying. I experienced profound growth from that small moment in time. The reality is every disappointment results in character refinement.

The truth is I am evolving, just as my characters evolve across their fictitious narrative arc. However, my arc is anything but fictitious. I can look back upon my patchwork past and see my own hero’s journey. How amazing it is to look back upon one’s successes and failures and recognize individual plot points that fall directly into The Narrative Arc formula. Except, I realize that I am still on my journey. 

The fact is I am nowhere close to how I envisioned my life. My being surges with professional aspirations that sometimes feel so far aloof that I want to abandon my ambitions. But then I look at my journey and I recognize a strange familiarity in my stagnation. Act 3, scenes 10 through 12, of The Hero’s Journey come after 9 previous scenes of triumph and defeat. If I am indeed following The Hero’s Journey I may very well be on the last trial before my ultimate win.

Each one of us is the hero in our own journey. When we feel like we are just too far from that coveted dream or too down to climb back up out of the pit we’ve fallen into, chances are we are only three scenes away from total victory. Keep walking. Keep fighting. Persevere. In the end, you are the hero in your own journey and the reveal to the story is well worth the effort of the quest.

Bargains and Boundaries

The adage, “give someone an inch and they will take a mile” is self-explanatory. We’ve all heard the saying used to describe someone who freely takes advantage of others. But there’s more to it. Perhaps a closer look may yield insight for those of us sacrificing miles for mere inch offerings. 

 

I think we can all agree that some of us would rather give an inch than take a mile. Others would gladly take a mile when offered an inch. We look down upon people who take advantage of others. But, I’d like to offer a contrasting opinion. Consider this…

We all love a bargain. Who doesn’t light up with they get something valuable for pennies on the dollar. My thrift store addiction is a testament that I am a hopeless bargain bandit. So what separates a bargain from taking advantage of a situation? Surely, if I am in a thrift store and I see an original highly-sought-after painting for a fraction of its worth, I consider that a bargain. I swoop in, make the purchase, and feel elated all day.

Is it my problem that the store did not recognize the value of the painting? Is it my responsibility to educate the store owner so that he or she does not lose money? Do I routinely pass up such a deal for my laurels? I’d like to say that I do. Truth is, I grab the painting, quietly take it to the register, pay, and walk it to my car before anyone realizes the mistake. Does this make me a bad person? Maybe it does. I'd like to think this just makes me a bargain shopper.

Let’s entertain another scenario. Say I am a freelancer in a specific profession. To get work I offer services at a discounted rate, hoping that doing so yields professional growth. As the months pass my clients expect even more for less compensation. I realize that my discounted rates are not contributing to growth, but instead are sowing seeds of bitterness. They are getting a wonderful value. I, on the other hand, am getting tossed in the bargain bin.

Let’s say that I offer a friend a room to stay in while he or she gets on his or her feet. I offer the room for no rent because I want my friend to save for an apartment. However, the months pass and the tenant is happy living free while I pay the mortgage, the utilities, food, and all living expenses. My friend is in no hurry to move out and I am becoming more and more resentful with each passing month.

So where’s the line between seizing a bargain and taking a mile? There actually is a line. It is called a boundary. But the burden of action is not on the mile taker, it is on the inch-offerer.

When we have weak boundaries we allow others to go bargain shopping on our behalf. So, for all of us who often concede to mile takers, let us change our mindset. Let us recognize that we are both the problem and the solution. Let us realize our worth and set boundaries. We do not belong in a thrift store. We are not bargains for others to acquire. Stand tall. Price your talents and offerings accordingly and others will in turn respect you for it.

A Virtual Party

Most of us do it. You do. I do it. We all do it. We want it. We need it. We crave it! Some of us do it weekly. Some do it daily. Some do it 24/7. The addiction is without comparison to anything else we’ve ever experienced. Come what may, we simply must connect!

Social networking is a phenomenon cultivated from two forces, people’s innate desire to connect and the technological means to do so. Granted there are other forces at play but the main two involve our need to know what’s going on and our ability to power up and find out. Social networks differ, each with its own purpose, rules and audience; ranging from professional networking to a virtual party. So, let’s discuss the party…

Imagine you’re having a party. There are no limits to space or resources. The more people at the party the better. You send out invites and low and behold people RSVP in droves. You invite school friends you haven’t seen in years, co-workers (current and former), family and friends. Each person invited to the party is important to you, or else you would not have sent an invitation. An invitation means, “Hey, let’s catch up. I’d like to keep in touch.”

Your guest list grows like an unintended flower garden. Soon, requests come in to join the party that you didn’t solicit. Sure, why not? This is going to be one heck of a party!

So, the party is about to begin and people start arriving. As people enter there’s some small talk covering the typical “what have you been up to” bases and then each person fades into the crowd to mingle. It’s a diverse crowd. Not the typical party. This crowd includes people you know and people you don’t know, people whom you have a professional working relationship with and people so close you behold them as family.

You walk around and notice some interesting behaviors. In one corner, an old friend is babbling on and on about cats, dogs and horses. Some friends gravitate and appreciate the conversation. You smile and move on. In the kitchen there’s a group sharing family photos and vacation stories. You leave feeling all warm and fuzzy. As you take a sip of your coveted party favor, you round the corner and head into the living room.

Standing on the coffee table is old high school buddy delivering political commentary, sparking aggressive debate. This is concerning. 

Suddenly, other debates break out exposing topics that are well-known social taboos and soon your party has become a platform of dissension. You notice verbal fists rise up against your party-goers. The party becomes a free for all and you’re left standing in a room full of insurgence, fitting for a new age civil uprising.

Wait a minute…I thought this was a party? Why did we come to this party anyway? Did we join to alienate friends or did we connect because of an innate desire to unite with those we care about?

Hmmm…is social media really about connection at all? Perhaps it simply presents an opportunity to be heard. This creates a bit of a conundrum. When people mingle at the intersection of connection and alienation, we segregate. We become a fractured society. Social media has then become anti-social. What a premise. Didn’t this whole thing begin with a party?

Don't Be A Doormat!

Ah, the doormat advice. I cannot recall how many times I have heard these wise words spoken from trusted allies. I fully acknowledge that their advice is constructive, albeit a little forward. After all, my loved ones are looking out for my well-being. We should all be so blessed. However, I have a slightly different perspective on the word doormat and the meaning associated. You see, I don’t have any doormats in my home. I have welcome mats, and plenty of them.  

Yes, I am a welcome mat. I enjoy people. I welcome people in. And for the most part, people have good intentions. Most often they bring something with them when they visit; something that we both can enjoy. And sometimes it’s just nice to do a good deed and help someone temporarily in need of shelter. This often becomes more of a blessing to me anyway so I still walk away with something wonderful.

Granted occasionally someone wipes their feet on my welcome mat and leaves a mess behind. In which case I dust it off and move on. Hey, a welcome mat is destined to accumulate some grime. It goes with the territory. And yes sometimes I have to decide when it’s time to stop answering the door. That goes with the territory as well.

But here’s my take on it. Everyone that comes through my door teaches me something and I always grow from the experience; good or bad. So, to pull the welcome mat because of a little mud is not worth it. Think of how much I’d miss out on.