Kwitcherbichen

 

Quite some time ago I was having a conversation with a friend. He wasn’t someone that I knew particularly well at the time. Regardless, we found ourselves engaged in conversation. I had just started in Real Estate and I believe I was droning on about my professional journey thus far. At the time I was quite disillusioned with the disparity between input and output. I was bitter about the economy and despite my efforts, my inability to gain employment in my field. He sat there and patiently listened until I left enough pause for a response. When I left a brief open in the conversation, he looked at me straight faced and said, “Quit Yer Bitchen.”

My first inclination was to go all Tomi Lahren on his insensitive ass. To tell him the whats and the whys of what makes my situation atypical. But, that’s not what happened. He continued, “if you don’t like it, then change it or shut up about it.” Wow! Did this guy just say that to me? No one has ever spoke to me like that before. I sat there staring at him, quiet while processing his sheer audacity.

For two days his words drilled into my psyche. In that 48 hour period I took a mental trip from full on offence to soul awakening enlightenment. But why? Honestly, all he said was, “quit yer bitchen.” The words were hardly profound. But, they were true. Did I want excuses or results? No, my life was not going the way I planned. Yes, I was educated but starting over in a new career. But, how bad did I really want success? Was I ready to do something about it or just sink into self-pity while desperately holding on to my victim card? So, I stopped bitchen.

Over the next two years I worked to build my business. I worked seven days a week and put myself out there doing the uncomfortable things that I needed to do in order to land a contract or win a listing. I door knocked. I cold called. I followed every lead. Every time I wanted to quit, I realized that I had a choice to make. Granted, I am a small fish in a very big pond. I have a long way to go. Opportunity is only limited to my belief and the will to do the things I need to do to achieve the results I wish to achieve.

Yet, as I write this, it is a chilly Sunday afternoon and I feel myself slipping back to a place of discontentment and excuses. Maybe I’m tired and running out of steam. Or maybe I need to once again remember the solid advice of a trusted friend and colleague and simply quit my bitchin.

Make 2017 Not Suck

For many of us, 2016 just plain sucked. Some of the suckage was simply uncontrollable. Face it, what can we do when our idols die? We can pay tribute to them in whatever way that makes us feel closer to their art. But, in the end, we must say goodbye. Yes, that was 2016. Too many creative souls left this world to pass on to the next. For that, 2016 will go down in infamy. Good Riddance to you, you soul robber and talent stealer 2016!

I digress…

2016 was also the year in which the masses turned on one another in mass protest. I am not even broaching that one, except to say, this is also why 2016 sucked the tail end of a 1957 Ford Pickup. Regardless of why, there seems to be a resounding consensus that 2016 will not be winning any popularity contests. But, let’s shift focus. Instead of focusing on 2016 in the rear view, my question is, how can we make 2017 not suck?

While we cannot do much about death and political destruction, we can do so very much in the wake of such resounding negativity. Granted, we may actually have to remove our mud colored, dark lensed glasses and replace them with a set of rosy lensed, diamond studded Elton John frames. I’m game! Excuse me while I slip on my fancy shades…

Now, the question again… What can we do to make 2017 not suck?

Well, first you have to answer one question. What do you want in 2017? If you could achieve one thing, what would it be? Define that in specific terms. Fill in the blank, “In 2017, I want _______________ “.

Now go after that! Go after that like a mother bear saving her cub from a lion attack. Viciously pursue that one thing. But do so methodically.

Be focused. Be purposeful. Be driven. Choose wisely. Reward yourself.

Be focused, not only about what you want to achieve. Be focused about how you are going to achieve it. Come up with a plan and set that plan in motion. Commit to what it is going to take to achieve that goal.

Be purposeful about the effort you put forth on a daily basis to complete your goal. Create a calendar and devote a specified amount of time to the activity that will result in achieving your goal.

Be driven. Do not let fear, doubt, or insecurity steal your destiny. Your destiny belongs to you! It is yours for the taking. Go take it! It will not be easy. There will be times when you hit barriers. Recognize that every success requires a certain amount of obstacles. Find the strength to knock down each and every wall that is placed between you and what your desire.

Choose wisely who you let into your world. Surround yourself with positivity! Do not let negative people derail you. Negativity can silently infiltrate your psyche, resulting in the abandonment of your mission.

Reward yourself. Every step toward success deserves a reward. Whatever makes you smile, reward yourself with that.

I don’t know about you, but today I am going to take down my Christmas tree and focus on what I want to achieve this year. Then I am going to make a plan to accomplish that one thing that will help to ensure that 2017 doesn’t suck. Hopefully, on New Year’s Day in 2018, my blog post will be about how 2017 didn’t suck and how 2018 will be even better. If for some reason my 2018 New Year’s Day blog post is about how bad 2017 sucks, you have my permission to verbally flog me.

#Make2017notsuck

Does Hate Win?

When did we become divided? I realize this country has come so far in such a short time. However, in my lifetime, I cannot remember when we have seen so much dissent. It hurts. Labels hurt. Insinuations hurt. Alienation hurts. Hatred Hurts.

When I was a child I didn’t see differences in race, religion, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. I only saw people. From my point of view, we were one. We were friends. We were neighbors. We were a community. We were a nation. As I got older, I still didn’t give power to anything other than action. I judge people on how they make me feel. Do they edify me or do they tear me down? But these days scare me. I worry about what we are becoming.

This has been a rough few years. Violence and hate are increasing, culminating with political division causing mass riots around this once great nation of ours. How did we get here? How did we go backwards? This stuff did not happen when I was growing up. But here we are, making progress. Is that what we call it? Progress? I don’t consider hatred progress. I don’t consider segregation progress. Why are we grouping ourselves according to our religion, political affiliation, ethnicity, and sexual orientation? How is this progressive?

I understand that we must unify and stand up for our rights. I also understand that hatred is often expressed through organized sects. Honestly, hatred has no authority. If an organization promotes hatred, they simply have lost their credibility. No one should have to respond to organized hate. But we are responding. We are responding by splintering ourselves into human subpopulations and attacking each other. We are segregating and the hate is increasing in power. We are allowing hate to win. This is not working. We need a new plan.

We have an opportunity to respond differently. Let us not fight in kind, but instead be an example. Counter violence with peace. Counter hate with love. Counter intolerance with acceptance. Otherwise hate wins. Let us be the light that illuminates the path to unity. We can have differing opinions, beliefs, and values but we are all citizens of this great nation. We are all Americans. I believe that if we stand together in support and understanding of our differences, hate cannot win.

The essence of the beautiful is unity in variety... Felix Mendelssohn

Embracing the Id

I am not a glitter girl. Pink? Nope. When I was a teen I wore Dr. Martens and ripped jeans. I spent Saturday afternoons writing short stories, planning my next concert trip, and listening to death metal at a volume that kept my parents at bay. Although I have been forced to grow up, I still love that rebel voice that these days is only really found in the music I chose to listen to and the internal desire to place pen to paper and craft anything that soothes my soul. But I feel I need more. I need more of what gives me joy. I've lost too much of my inner child, my Id.

For those that may not have studied Freud, the Id is the underdeveloped portion of our psyche that demands instant gratification for those things that we desire. The Ego and the Superego then develop to help us deal with reality. Without the Ego and Superego, we would all be adult toddlers throwing tantrums screaming, “not fair” when life delivers up a bucket of lemons.

This is where I leave Freud’s theory and relate it to life balance. I believe that unhappiness in life often occurs when some of us allow the Ego and the Superego to suffocate the Id. That is when you wake up twenty years into the future and realize you give 100% of your energy to responsibility and 0% to what used to make you happy. In contrast, too much Id can result in you living in your parent’s attic for the next 20 years. It is all about balance.

Life develops in layers. When we are born we have our immediate family. As we grow, we develop friends. Before we develop a life in which we must be responsible, we develop our interests. Some delve into sports. Some embrace art. Music moves others. We become ourselves when we only have ourselves to cater to. That is when we figure out what makes us happy. Then more layers develop. We become spouses, parents, and/or managers. As responsibility increases, we often let go of the passions that gave us joy. It is simply a time thing. As time gets short we let go of those things that are not absolutely necessary. However, life evolves full circle eventually leading back to the point when we are again alone with ourselves. Then what?

The trick is to strike accord between life’s responsibilities and the passions that make you, you. We must learn to cater to our Id while balancing the daily routines of life.

My sister is a shining example of balancing her Id. She has always been a musician, playing in bands since her 20’s. Twenty years later, she’s still doing what gives her joy. She is living to her fullest potential because she allowed her Id equal playing time, balanced with the life’s demands. She is a wife, a mother, an insurance broker and a musician. She also rides a Harley, but I digress.

I love to see my sister’s band play and sadly I have not done so in such a long time. Watching my sister reminds me that I need to cater more to my Id. My sister is a reflection of the happiness we can have if we take time out to do those things in life that we want to do. Not just focus on those things that we must do. Today we call this work/life balance. I call it embracing the Id.

As I wrap this story, I have the sudden realization that I am getting better. Instead of getting my house ready for an event I am hosting tomorrow, I decided to write and I feel good about it. I am choosing to spend time on my passions. Yet I have another realization that my house is quiet and needs some work. Perhaps my Id is telling me to turn on some Alice in Chains while my Superego beacons me to break out the vacuum.

Embrace the Suck

I love this saying! Honestly, sucky things happen. They happen to us all. It does not matter who you are, what your education level is, or how amazing of a person you may be. You are not immune to the suck. And so, when all is shining bright and you feel completely untouchable in this golden world of wonder and suddenly out of nowhere the suck strikes you unaware, what should you do?

I know from experience, throwing your hands in the air and muttering useless words like, “why me?” only results in more suck. Likewise, stumbling around and letting life drag you down produces negative energy that attracts more suck. Neither of these techniques worked for me. So, what is a person to do in the face of serious suck?

There is only one logical answer to this and every sucky scenario. Yup, embrace the suck.

Sometimes good things come out of the suck. We live life forward and we understand it backwards. It is that whole, hindsight is 20/20 thing. If only we could understand the suck when we are stuck in it. But, we cannot because we are not meant to. Perhaps it is an appreciation thing, or a lesson in trust and perseverance. I do not know.

What I do know from going through plenty of suck myself is, as time passes, I could begin to see how the suck transformed my life. I grew stronger. I found a belief in myself that became resolute. I fought and I found strength. New, amazing people came into my life. And, those that believed in me never left. Now, I find myself in the most amazing place surrounded by the most incredible people. Even though the suck still visits me on the regular, I stand firm and unwavering.

So, if you happen to be wading through a sea of suck right now, please know, you are in good company. Some of the most inspirational and accomplished people of our time were transformed by adversity.

“All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.” – Hellen Keller

Some Never Came Home

 

 

I am one of the lucky ones. My dad came home.

My father served in the subservice of the United States Navy for 28 years. For 28 years I watched my dad leave for extended duty. Birthdays, Christmases and countless plays, awards and milestones ticked by without the security of his presence. When he came home, he always looked a bit different. He seemed foreign. But the look in his eyes was always one of joy and love and grace. Oh how I would love to see my father come home, bearing gifts from around the world and stories that kept my imagination fed.

I remember after one long deployment my dad came home 30 pounds lighter. At first, I had no idea who this scrawny man was at our door. But those eyes. They were my daddy's eyes. As a child, there was nothing to understand. It just was the way it was. Daddy had a job to do and his job was to keep our Country safe. I never resented his absence in my life. I simply looked forward to his return.

Similarly, I had no idea what he was sacrificing. My dad served during Vietnam and the Cold War. An estimated 58,220 Americans died in Vietnam. I wonder how many of them were daddies. As deadly as the Vietnam War was, The Cold War was a game of cat and mouse fought on the open ocean, as soviet warships depth-charged American submarines. During this time, as American subs sank into the ocean's vast abyss, I was clueless. I had no idea how much danger my father was in.

My father joined the United States Navy as a submariner in 1958 at the age of 19. He served 28 years and retired when I was 16 years old. My husband served in the United States Navy as a submariner from 1988 to 2012. As an adult I raised my own family with the absence of my husband, leaving for long deployments for a singular mission: to protect the life and freedom we take for granted every day. I thank them both for their service and dedication to their family and Country. Both my father and my husband served and retired. They came home. How blessed I am that they came home.

Since the inception of our great Country, 1,319,943 million American's never came home. They left their mothers, fathers, siblings, wives and children behind. They stepped out from the security of home into harms way to keep America free. This is dedicated to every man, woman, son, daughter, mother, father, brother and sister who paid the ultimate price. Thank you for your service. May you, resting in eternal peace, have finally found your way home.

For the Music Makers, the Dreamers of Dreams

 

Sometimes the world regards dreamers as aimless wanderers, fleeting from one thing to the next in search of some joyful, yet nonexistent utopia. These people are not dreamers, the world that is. They don't understand the plight. And that's alright because we are all born with unique gifts and talents. We are all destined to fulfill a specific purpose. With that said, this is a call to action to the dreamers who are still dreaming.

For those dreamers among us, it is excruciating; a never ending pursuit of something that is always dangling just beyond our reach. It is a daunting task to live up to our own dreams. We are each created to touch the world in our own unique way. We are musicians, writers, artists and entrepreneurs. We were born with an innate sense of necessity to accomplish something profound. Step by step, day by day, year by year, from the moment of our earliest cognitive memory we have felt the urgency to be what we were designed to be. And, for those of you, like me, who are still dreaming it is time to wake up.

By wake up I do not mean abandon the dream. The dream is who you are. You can no sooner abandon your self than you can refuse the air that fuels your body. By wake up I mean, set in motion the steps necessary to fulfill your destiny. Stop living that life that is manufactured. That thing that you do because everyone counseled you to take the safe path. Start creating again. Start dreaming again. Return to yourself. Return to your passions. Return to who you were destined to be. After all, there is only one YOU! There is only one person that holds the gifts and the passions that you do.

Consider for a moment your mentors, the biggest inspirations on your life. Who are they? Think of their faces. Truly see what they have given to this world and to you. Now consider what the world would look like without them. Consider what the world would look like if they accepted defeat and took the responsible, safe path. Imagine, if you will, yourself without their influence on your life.

Imagine a world without Picasso, Monet or Escher. What would today's music sound like without the influence of the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix or James Brown? Would Matthew McConaughey have made it to the big screen if it weren't for Jim Morrison's influence on his Dazed and Confused audition? Life is a series of domino effects brought on by the inspiration of those who touch our every day lives.

Now, let me pose a question. What if you were destined to influence others? What if the aspirations of future generations hinged on your mark upon this world? What if future generations miss their destiny because you have chosen not to share your gift with the world?

For all the dreamers among us, myself included, wake up and stay true to your art. Stand up and be accountable for the gifts you have been given. As Gene Wilder so eloquently said, for "We are music makers. We are the dreamer of dreams."