Bargains and Boundaries

The adage, “give someone an inch and they will take a mile” is self-explanatory. We’ve all heard the saying used to describe someone who freely takes advantage of others. But there’s more to it. Perhaps a closer look may yield insight for those of us sacrificing miles for mere inch offerings. 

 

I think we can all agree that some of us would rather give an inch than take a mile. Others would gladly take a mile when offered an inch. We look down upon people who take advantage of others. But, I’d like to offer a contrasting opinion. Consider this…

We all love a bargain. Who doesn’t light up with they get something valuable for pennies on the dollar. My thrift store addiction is a testament that I am a hopeless bargain bandit. So what separates a bargain from taking advantage of a situation? Surely, if I am in a thrift store and I see an original highly-sought-after painting for a fraction of its worth, I consider that a bargain. I swoop in, make the purchase, and feel elated all day.

Is it my problem that the store did not recognize the value of the painting? Is it my responsibility to educate the store owner so that he or she does not lose money? Do I routinely pass up such a deal for my laurels? I’d like to say that I do. Truth is, I grab the painting, quietly take it to the register, pay, and walk it to my car before anyone realizes the mistake. Does this make me a bad person? Maybe it does. I'd like to think this just makes me a bargain shopper.

Let’s entertain another scenario. Say I am a freelancer in a specific profession. To get work I offer services at a discounted rate, hoping that doing so yields professional growth. As the months pass my clients expect even more for less compensation. I realize that my discounted rates are not contributing to growth, but instead are sowing seeds of bitterness. They are getting a wonderful value. I, on the other hand, am getting tossed in the bargain bin.

Let’s say that I offer a friend a room to stay in while he or she gets on his or her feet. I offer the room for no rent because I want my friend to save for an apartment. However, the months pass and the tenant is happy living free while I pay the mortgage, the utilities, food, and all living expenses. My friend is in no hurry to move out and I am becoming more and more resentful with each passing month.

So where’s the line between seizing a bargain and taking a mile? There actually is a line. It is called a boundary. But the burden of action is not on the mile taker, it is on the inch-offerer.

When we have weak boundaries we allow others to go bargain shopping on our behalf. So, for all of us who often concede to mile takers, let us change our mindset. Let us recognize that we are both the problem and the solution. Let us realize our worth and set boundaries. We do not belong in a thrift store. We are not bargains for others to acquire. Stand tall. Price your talents and offerings accordingly and others will in turn respect you for it.

A Virtual Party

Most of us do it. You do. I do it. We all do it. We want it. We need it. We crave it! Some of us do it weekly. Some do it daily. Some do it 24/7. The addiction is without comparison to anything else we’ve ever experienced. Come what may, we simply must connect!

Social networking is a phenomenon cultivated from two forces, people’s innate desire to connect and the technological means to do so. Granted there are other forces at play but the main two involve our need to know what’s going on and our ability to power up and find out. Social networks differ, each with its own purpose, rules and audience; ranging from professional networking to a virtual party. So, let’s discuss the party…

Imagine you’re having a party. There are no limits to space or resources. The more people at the party the better. You send out invites and low and behold people RSVP in droves. You invite school friends you haven’t seen in years, co-workers (current and former), family and friends. Each person invited to the party is important to you, or else you would not have sent an invitation. An invitation means, “Hey, let’s catch up. I’d like to keep in touch.”

Your guest list grows like an unintended flower garden. Soon, requests come in to join the party that you didn’t solicit. Sure, why not? This is going to be one heck of a party!

So, the party is about to begin and people start arriving. As people enter there’s some small talk covering the typical “what have you been up to” bases and then each person fades into the crowd to mingle. It’s a diverse crowd. Not the typical party. This crowd includes people you know and people you don’t know, people whom you have a professional working relationship with and people so close you behold them as family.

You walk around and notice some interesting behaviors. In one corner, an old friend is babbling on and on about cats, dogs and horses. Some friends gravitate and appreciate the conversation. You smile and move on. In the kitchen there’s a group sharing family photos and vacation stories. You leave feeling all warm and fuzzy. As you take a sip of your coveted party favor, you round the corner and head into the living room.

Standing on the coffee table is old high school buddy delivering political commentary, sparking aggressive debate. This is concerning. 

Suddenly, other debates break out exposing topics that are well-known social taboos and soon your party has become a platform of dissension. You notice verbal fists rise up against your party-goers. The party becomes a free for all and you’re left standing in a room full of insurgence, fitting for a new age civil uprising.

Wait a minute…I thought this was a party? Why did we come to this party anyway? Did we join to alienate friends or did we connect because of an innate desire to unite with those we care about?

Hmmm…is social media really about connection at all? Perhaps it simply presents an opportunity to be heard. This creates a bit of a conundrum. When people mingle at the intersection of connection and alienation, we segregate. We become a fractured society. Social media has then become anti-social. What a premise. Didn’t this whole thing begin with a party?

Don't Be A Doormat!

Ah, the doormat advice. I cannot recall how many times I have heard these wise words spoken from trusted allies. I fully acknowledge that their advice is constructive, albeit a little forward. After all, my loved ones are looking out for my well-being. We should all be so blessed. However, I have a slightly different perspective on the word doormat and the meaning associated. You see, I don’t have any doormats in my home. I have welcome mats, and plenty of them.  

Yes, I am a welcome mat. I enjoy people. I welcome people in. And for the most part, people have good intentions. Most often they bring something with them when they visit; something that we both can enjoy. And sometimes it’s just nice to do a good deed and help someone temporarily in need of shelter. This often becomes more of a blessing to me anyway so I still walk away with something wonderful.

Granted occasionally someone wipes their feet on my welcome mat and leaves a mess behind. In which case I dust it off and move on. Hey, a welcome mat is destined to accumulate some grime. It goes with the territory. And yes sometimes I have to decide when it’s time to stop answering the door. That goes with the territory as well.

But here’s my take on it. Everyone that comes through my door teaches me something and I always grow from the experience; good or bad. So, to pull the welcome mat because of a little mud is not worth it. Think of how much I’d miss out on.

The Poppy Field

Sometimes I feel like Dorothy on a magical journey to the Emerald City; the place in which all inequities are balanced. I wake up and find myself in a strange place, surrounded by the unfamiliar. I am told to follow the yellow brick road. In this world the yellow brick road represents the path one is to follow to arrive at their ultimate goal. 

I look around and no one wishes to take the journey. The munchkins are content in their protected land and Glenda disappears into a bubble. Where does one find such a magic bubble? I’d like one. But alas, I am destined to place my feet upon the path and trudge into the unknown.

 

As I follow the bricks, the path splits and I take the best possible route according to my intuition. Granted, my intuition seems a bit off since I’ve arrived in Oz. But I continue my descent. In the most unlikely places I find allies willing to join the expedition. Sure they all have their own motivations for the cause, and that’s fine. The important thing is that I have company.

As we travel I notice we all have imperfections. We’re a band a misfits striving for a greater cause. We seem to have little in common, until adversity blinds us in the midst of a field of poppies. At that point it becomes obvious that we have the same mission. First of all, survive. Secondly, progress. It does not matter what we believe or what our short comings are. We must band together to achieve our objective. And so we endure and finally see the ethereal glow of the Emerald City. We have arrived!

Alas, we get to the gate after following the road that should have led us to our goal, and we are turned away. We do not understand. We are bewildered, angered and bitter.

In the end we all know what happens. They rally together and press on. Dorothy defeats the witch and returns home. Of course she’s told that she had the power to return home all along with the simple click of her heals. I admit. I’ve tried that. It doesn’t work. I’m just grateful no one was around to witness it. But I digress…

So we’ve all seen the movie. But, what if the tin man, the scarecrow, the lion and Dorothy turned on one another? Would they have defeated the witch? Would the tin man have received a heart, the lion courage, and the scarecrow a brain? Would Dorothy have ever made it home? I guess the moral of the story is to always press on, together, regardless of arduous trek ahead. The trick is to unite and not fall for the shortcut through the poppy field.

I think we might be stuck in the poppy field. Anyone getting sleepy?

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

A friend and I were having one of our many daily conversations. I can’t remember what we were discussing. But that’s not the point of the story. During our chat, she turned to me and said “go ahead and let your freak flag fly.” I love that…let your freak flag fly!

As the night progressed, I thought about my freak flag and it dawned on me that not only do I never fly my freak flag, I don’t even think I have a freak flag. Perhaps I used to have one back in the days before I became so consumed with responsibility. One thing is for sure, if I ever had a freak flag, it is now residing in some abandoned closet wearing two decades of dust. But that’s not the point of this story either.

So, what exactly is a freak flag? I had no clue. So, I did what anyone would do after contemplating for a whole night about his or her freak flag. I googled it. Turns out I was way off on my comprehension of a freak flag.

A freak flag is what makes you unique. Your freak flag is your self-awareness and flying it is a statement that you are putting yourself out there. You are extending your talents, gifts and persona to the world. A person must be strong and self-assured to fly his or her freak flag.

Suddenly I envisioned my friend's freak flag. Her flag is amazing! She’s strong, compassionate and fierce. She’s creative, intelligent and bold. She has no idea of her strength but I can testify that I have seen her battle Goliath face to face and triumph. She proudly displays her freak flag. She is who she is.

When she was diagnosed with cancer she shaved her head before the chemo stole her hair from her. She started wearing beautiful scarves that defined her bohemian style to perfection. You see, she embraced the transformation and she wore it boldly.

She’s an artist. She’s constantly inspired by colors, textures and designs. She has an inner drive to create. She invited me to one of her vision board workshops and through her leading I learned so much about myself that I never before recognized. The experience was truly insightful.

Thinking about my friend makes me re-evaluate my own freak flag. Do I have a freak flag? Of course I do. I recognize my strengths and my talents. I am who I am, like it or not. Now, am I confident enough to boldly fly my freak flag in front of all humanity?

Life is too short not to embrace those attributes that set us apart from the crowd. We all have different gifts. We have various shades of deviance. We are all extraordinary in some way. Many of you may already have your freak flag hoisted high. But for those of us who are a little less valiant, let us fearlessly proclaim our distinctions and let our freak flags soar.